Proverbs 18:21
“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
I’ve read that humans need to experience praise three times as often as criticism to maintain a positive mood. I would counter that the ratio is actually much higher, especially for us writers. We will fixate on one negative comment until Jesus comes back, no matter how many encouraging remarks are flanking it.
A while back, I received helpful feedback on a manuscript. Tucked among kind notes was this gem: “You use a LOT of exclamation points. So many.” And now I can never type another one because—ouch, she exclaimed without aggressive or offensive punctuation.
According to an article in Science News Today, praise and criticism have lasting impacts on our wiring. “They are experiences that physically reshape the brain. They wire it for confidence or caution, for boldness or retreat.” It goes on to say praise releases dopamine, the hormone associated with pleasure and reward, whereas criticism releases cortisol, the stress hormone, which can trigger a traumatic response in the body. *
Let’s be honest. There are times when criticism is warranted, necessary even to bring about change. But even then, we should use it sparingly. Imagine how devastating a negative remark could be for someone who hasn’t been shored up by at least three positive ones already.
Our words matter. They build up or tear down. They breathe life or drain it, and God has tasked us with speaking life into one another. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
I’m the worst when it comes to speaking life into others. Repeatedly I’m convicted of how I’ve not only torn down others with my criticism, but I’ve also actually contributed to their emotional scars. I should be better, kinder, and more intentional with my words. I want to remember that one negative statement has more impact than three positive ones, maybe even more so than a hundred, and that’s a power not to be used lightly. So, my prayer is this:
Lord, guard my tongue. Make my words gentle, timely, and full of grace. Teach me to affirm generously and to correct gently and carefully. Help me use the power You’ve given me with my words to build others up and reflect Your heart. Amen.
*Tuhin, M. (2025 July 24). How Your Brain Reacts to Praise vs. Criticism. Science News Today